to SR
RedBaron.
Calling and checking on the welfare of your children does not sound like controlling behavior to me. It sounds like a healthy attitude and behavior. For me, in this situation, I would need to do some work on identifying exactly what are the controlling behaviors and exactly what aren't. It helps me a lot to write things out. If it were me, I would sit down and think about my behaviors and list them out. One list for the healthy behaviors and another for the non-healthy behaviors. I would put the searching for bottles in the non-healthy behaviors because having to do that is probably making you crazy.
but it's a hell of a risk. Leaving asside the ridiculous amount of money I'll have to pay her, what if she gets the kids? I know that ought not to happen with her history and so on, but it's a big thing on which to roll the dice.
I agree because I have seen it happen. But if you stick around here and keep posting about this, many people will respond to you exactly what they did that worked and didn't work when they were in your situation. I suggest you keep coming here and reading and posting about this.
I also suggest AlAnon. There you will find invaluable support and likely be informed of other types of resources that exist in your community that you may not know about yet. I have never been divorced but I do know that if it is something you are contemplating, it is a good idea to start writing down significant events such as drunk-driving, etc. Write everything down in a calendar book.