I'm 100% in agreement with both of you: the spending is HIS responsibility. It's HIS problem, HIS action. I am not responsible. I totally get that he's trying to shift the blame to me ("I felt I could not come to you with my problems") - I'm on board with what both of you are saying.
The crux of the problem is just that I feel this disparity - he can talk to me about what's going on with him (because I'm supposed to be supportive, to help his recovery - again, I know I'm not the fulcrum upon which success or failure rests, that's him, but he IS my husband, and I don't want to sabotage him) but I can't express how angry and hurt I am, because that's not supportive. I don't feel like that's a "requirement" that he's putting on me, but that's one that I'm reading over & over & over, when I read about recovery for spending addicts. That the best thing a spouse can do is be supportive.
How can I be supportive of him (and his recovery), and still express that I'm hurt and angry?