SarahG

Both. I'm angry at him for obvious reasons, and angry at me because I have had my head in the sand so long, I was a sucker to marry him in the first place, I'm stuck because I'm pregnant with small children (and I feel trapped - can't get a job because I'm pregnant, don't want the kids in daycare). I'm angry at myself because I let myself be vulnerable - emotionally, financially. I've put up with a lot of crap, and let myself be a doormat. I have prided myself on the boundaries I set with my parents years ago, but here I am in a similar situation of my own making. (Yes, I know: didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. But I walked right into it! )

Epiphany: perhaps I want him to be "groveling" because it will help me feel some measure of self-worth? That if he acts like I'm valuable to him, I'll feel valuable? I'm going to have to think on that.