I think the best words my mother ever spoke to me regarding my father's alcoholism was 1. He has a disease and 2. It is not my fault (and has nothing to do with me). She never spoke about him in a derogatory manner, never called him names in front of us, never complained about him to us, and taught us how to respect him even though he was an alcoholic. She focused on his BEHAVIOR, and not his worth as a person, a man, or a husband.