Well I have made it to the evening. I am told that he was out and about with his brother and his girlfriend at a friends house having a party tonight - his sponsor is apparently there too. Interestingly enough I know his sponsor and he has told me that ABF has not mentioned anything to him about drinking again and that he has not been going to AA meetings etc. His sponsor said that he will try see what is going on but will not intervene as ABF has to make the first step. I guess what is hard is that ABF is out and about living his life as usual. ABF did not have any alcohol - so I guess I look stupid telling his sponsor he is back drinking again. ABF hides his drinking so well. I guess it hurts knowing that he is out having "fun" and a social life and I am "waiting for a week or so". I am also told that he is telling everyone that he does not want a relationship at the moment (but cant tell me it is over) and that he still has feelings for his exwife. THAT has made me feel like such a tart as he professed to loving ME, to wanting to be with ME, that my ex H had to be out of my head and heart so we could have a relationship. He even said I was "the one", he felt connected to me and that - yes - he wants to marry me when the time is right as he has never felt this way about anyone in his life. STUPID ME.
I am just wondering how he can turn off his feelings so fast and get out there and be a total hypocrite when not being prepared to look me in the eye and tell me it is over. I voiced all these concerns at the beginning of our relationship and he made me feel safe and secure. HE needs to be accountable for his actions and lies and end it face to face with me.
He has two personalities - the church going (he is on the church committee) I am in love with JW123 type and the I am an alcoholic, who is out and about type.
Bitterness is creeping in now. Perhaps it also has to do that my xh's ow left her alcoholic and came running to us for support. She and my exh got real cozy.
I HATE ALCOHOL.