opportunity
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this issue and the problems it brings with it to the entire family.
Glad to hear that you are attending Alanon meetings. Would the kids consider going to Alateen? Just as you are being helped by Alanon, they may received tremendous benefit knowing that they are not alone in dealing with an alcoholic parent. Particularly during those vunerable years, there is comfort in knowing that you are not alone.
When I am at a loss for words or need assistance with finding the right words, I pray. I put my trust in my HP to help me do the right thing or find the right words. It's part of my program of recovery that really helps me. When I can't or don't trust myself, I turn it over to my HP......I trust him/her/it (note: the him/her/it is done for everyone else who may be reading this but does not necessarily reflect my personal belief system.)
This is a really difficult time for your family. I hope that you'll find extra support from all of the wonderful people here on SR who have walked the path of loving the A in their lives.
gentle hugs