Last time I looked, this was a support forum for F&F with D/A problems.
The first thing we hear is "you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it" so I guess for some, (if not many) you are going to need support until you are able to be ok.
Having said that and having to live with it daily is hard enough... so don't be any harder on yourself. Like others, I stayed in an unhealthy situation much longer than needed. And at times I mentally/emotionally get suckered into wondering if there is just one more chance or one more thing that I can do to change things, or what if I don't something and the worst happens.
I believe awhile ago I posted something like... "if I let go of my qualifier, what will happen to him, shouldn't someone care? " and the main response I got was "why should you care" or "what about caring for your own life" so... I thought about it.
Some will not like this but I keep thinking about Lois Wilson story and how it really helped me to understand what I already knew in my heart.... a person has a problem and they can't see things any other way... she chose to stay and some think she gave up her life for her husband... I see someone making a choice to live according to the person she was... to live out her values and that was life for her... not everyone agrees.
I am not suggesting any one way as the answer... I think the point in alanon is to get back in touch with your own thoughts, feelings, and values and then go from there to make change in your life. For some it means being there, and for some it means distance. Only you can decide.
I stuck with my values and my qualifer decided to leave... it hurts to be parted... it hurts to see him sinking more into his illness and choosing to be alone...but it is his choice. I did what I could. I don't like the outcome (I thought love was supposed to conquer all... right?) But who knows... maybe it is having a positive affect - as I am no longer living with craziness and worry. And he was given a choice he never had to make before....(everyone else enabled him and never challenged him to a sober life, I did, he tried and at least had a choice for the first time in his life)
You are probably off to work, hope the day is not too hard and maybe will talk again soon.