I also think alot of it has to do with focusing so much on her it keeps me from looking at myself. I have seen tremendous improvement since leaving the rehab.
My emotions are not all over the place like they were 5 months ago. (people in NA and AA have made comments to this effect)
This is what she said to me in her last email about 4 days ago--At least when you were using I felt like I knew who you were, ever since you came back from the rehab I thought to myself, I don't even know this person. How can we build on that? (we have been married 3 years) She acts like she didn't smoke daily and take pills herself-besides the alcohol. Makes no sense to me..I'm the same..just not addicted and nodding out and burning stuff (have to laugh at that) BTW- I threw everything with a burn in it away 5 months ago...I read posts about giving and giving and giving...she didn't cook, didn't clean, hardly worked..I have a beautiful house, paid all the bills (I beleive a man should) bought the food, gave her compliments daily, tons of affection....even in my addiction...I don't know what else I could have done...first she wanted out because of my addiction...now she says we couldn't possibly get back together because I'm clean...I just don't get it..I am making myself laugh for the first time in awhile...I have to admit I'm obsessing over this situation in spite of trying not to.