I was raised as an only child by alcoholics, both mom and dad were Manhattan drinkers-whiskey all night long, every night. I wanted their attention and love so much. It hurt that booze came first for them. It hurt so bad, I got into drugs and became an opiate addict at a young age. I would get into codependent relationships with people and my emotions and life was based around how other people felt... instead of how I felt. Now I try to love my parents(who still drink and are amazingly, still alive), just the way they are... I hate booze and what it does to people. I stay away from my parents even though they need lots of medical attention, dying from alcoholism is a long awful process. I try to remind myself that I am powerless against alcohol/drugs, as well in other peoples lives. An addict/alcoholic doesn't see a choice between a person and a drug, it's like a whole different section of the brain. I try not to personalize that type of feeling anymore because I know it's not the case. It's an internal struggle to each person. I hope you feel better, whatever it takes to be happpy and healthy. Being on both sides of the coin, it was for me far harder to be the sober person watching the people I love kill themselves with whiskey than being an addict-and that's not a fun place at all.