if my alcoholic had a problem or emotional difficulty, he used alcohol to escape it. it was a quick way to ease the pain...drink to numb it.
as a non-alcoholic, i tend to do the opposite. when i have a problem, i try to take steps to face it. while i enjoy a drink, if i am having emotional difficulties, i tend to abstain because i want to be clear to deal with my emotions.
in relationship with my alcoholic, if a bump occurred in my life, i would oftentimes withdraw in order to deal with my emotions, as i didn't get any emotional support from him.
it was during these times that he cheated. his reason was that i was unavailable, he was a man, he had needs.
i think with my alcoholic, it was all about getting his needs met IMMEDIATELY, whether it be woman or drink. from what i've seen, this is pretty common with alcoholics...rather than face the difficulty together and work it thru, they just go ahead and take care of themselves with a quick fix.
of course, in all relationships, there are times when life hands us something to deal with. it happens to all of us. however, with my alcoholic, he was not there to support me or even comfort me...it was all about him and what he needed...it was not acceptable for me to take a few days or weeks to grieve a loss...it is in this way that he rationalized cheating on me behind my back or badgering me for sex when it was the last thing on my mind...