"Rules For Stray Cats"

Stray cats will not be fed.
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat
food moistened with a little milk.
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat
food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats
and leftover fish scraps.
Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked
up and cuddled unnecessarily.
Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up
and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
Stray cats with or without a name will not be
allowed inside the house at any time.
Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to
jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture
Stray cats will be permitted on furniture but must
sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal rope scratching
post with three perches.
Stray cats will sleep outside.
Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
Stray cats will sleep in the house, but not in our bed.
Stray cats will sleep in our bed, but not under the covers.
Stray cats will not play on the desk.
Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.
Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer
keyboard on the desk when the human is using it.
Stray cats will not CJDJBEFUBEDBVKJB KNCX ZXMNLJN!