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Old 11-23-2010, 04:14 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
HoopNinja
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Join Date: Jul 2008
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I think I have suffered from depression since I was in middle school. I just did not get treated for it until my 30s. It is hereditary. For me it was just an underlying thing that came out full forces after marrying my first husband-who was an alcoholic and mentally abusive. Eventhough I left him-he had left me before that with the alcohol and other women and it triggered a major depressive episode.

That along with a very stressful job kept it going until I ran into a DVR counselor who basically told me I was being ridiculous (in a very kind way) because I was refusing to take medication. The stigma attached to mental illness at that time and especially in the job I was in (showed weakness and weakness was not OK) drove me away from accepting what was going on and taking medication. So much so that I became even more depressed and could no longer function in my job and had to go on disability. So the DVR counselor really got me to understand that taking the medication was essential and that given the history of depression in my family it was easy to see I had a chemical imbalance in my brain--and now why would I not correct that. So I finally did and it helped.

The severe depression slowly ebbed away. So much so that I went off my meds. For me, big mistake. Also, went off my meds because xah (the one I just left) told me how stupid it was to take the medication. Yeah, now I think and why did I listen to you--Mr. Self Medicator.

The second round of clinical depression was not something I would wish on my worse enemy. It sucked the life out of me. I woke up every morning and could feel it and thought I would never be happy again. I went back on meds and after about 8 or 9 months it lifted. I have never gone off my meds again. I don't ever even want to teeter on the edge of clinical depression again.

I think it differs for everyone. Some people have situational depression and they can go on meds and then go off and are fine. I had to accept that was not the case with me.

Life is too short to live it poorly if you have a choice. The big thing with meds--there are a lot of them out there. Some of the newer ones are quite pricey. I am fortunate that I take "older" medication and they are affordable. You also have to deal with the side effects of the meds and I think that is where some of the newer ones are different.

But I also wanted to say the meds would not have worked if I had not gone to therapy and changed the way I live my life. I would have continued to follow the same pattern and probably would have continued to go off my meds. When I decided I was worth keeping I worked harder.

I also have seasonal affect disorder (da** north--no sun and cold) but I use a light box and it is a miracle as far as I am concerned.
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