I can't say that a two year affair can be blamed on alcohol. When I was still drinking I cheated on my wife. We were living separately at the time and getting a divorce for financial and legal reasons. We were still romanticaly involved at the time also. Being the alcoholic I was my thinking was warped and twisted. I thought my wife was stringing me along until the divorce was finalized, I now know that wasn't true. I've always had low self esteem and poor confidence and the thought of being strung along was no help, but like I said I wasn't being strung along, my mind was only telling me so. What I was doing to make myself feel better was going out to the bars and flirting with other women. I honestly had no desire to be with other women, I loved my wife and still do. I just really wanted to feel desirable in the eyes of women so that I can make myself feel better about myself. I didn't actually carry on an affair or have any one night stands, but I was just as guilty. I wasn't being emotionally, mentally, and in a sense physically faithful. I eventually got caught, I was a blackout drinker and the night I got caught my wifes friends were at the bar. Apparently the girl I was dancing and flirting with was kissing on my neck and grabbing my nether regions. I can neither deny or confirm this as i was in a blackout, but I can't imagine my wifes friends would make it up. In my situation I can attribute my behaviors on the alcohol, because when sober I would never have done such things. I love my wife and don't want to ever be with any other woman, ever. We are now completely separated, have no romantic relationship and I miss her. It's a double edge sword for me, half of me regrets what I've done because I'm no longer involved with my wife. The other half doesn't because that led to my rock bottom as I immersed myself deeper into drinking and using. Though I'm not with my wife which still hurts me because i still love her very much, I'm sober and trying to still get back on my feet. I may or may not be able to ever be a husband to my wife as I don't know what will happen in the future (our divorce is still not finalized), but at least now my kids have a chance of having a decent father in their lives. Had i continued on the path I was going all bets would have been off. I walked into AA very suicidal, and AA saved my life. I'm still somewhat of an emotional wreck, but im sober and I know this will pass. I just have to be patient and vigilant.