idreamblue

I read the stickies, and have gotten confused. And it said if you were not sure to just post and ask for direction.

My father was an alcoholic growing up. He worked out of town most of the time, but when he was home he was cold, never talked to me, and when he did was mean. We had little to no interaction or relationship growing up. My mother who I realize now was co-dependent. She tried to overcompensate and make up for my dad being that way. Also my mother grew up with a raging alcoholic father.

Fast forward and I am an adult now. My father never attended AA but stoped drinking for over 12 years and is a totally different person. We have a healthy normal relationship. My mother however, I feel is a very toxic person. She does not drink and never has. However she fits all the signs of codependcy, even though nobody is drinking.

My mother has seen a counslor for years who to this day tells her she needs to go to Alanon (which she never does). I am at a loss right now because I feel like I may be codependent towards my mother also? I don't know if that makes sense that there are 2 codependent people codependent on each other and neither is drinking?

The reason I feel that, is that my mother is emotionally unstable. She focuses on other people's problems and get wrapped up into other peoples lives. Then she calls me and my sister 10 times a day to talk about it or complain about things and tries to take it out on us or get us involved. If we don't answer her calls or try to ignore it she gets worse. She then verbally abuses us and says we think we are too important to talk to her. Or she tries to throw in my face how she thinks I am superior because I have a good position and career at work. Then she tries to create non-exisistent problems between me and my sister and tries to guilt me that I am not close enough with my sister. I am getting married and she has no boundaries and tries to interfior in my and my fiancee's relationship. She told me I shouldn't marry him because I will be alone like her. Because sometimes we do seperate activities he goes hunting with the guys and I go have beach days with the girls, but we also have a ton of activities we do together. Everytime the phone rings I don't know what to expect, it's an emotional rollercoaster. It's gotten to the point where I am constantly angry but won't confront her on it because it makes her act worse. And now its gotten to a point where its creating major problems. When she calls or shows up in one of her "moods" I get upset and then after that my day is wrecked and sometimes I take it out on my future husband. I feel like she drains all the energy out of me.

I don't know if I am in the wrong place? If I am, please direct me where to go. Or if I any of this makes sense to anyone, because it dosen't really make sense to me, but I know this isn't right.