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Old 11-23-2010, 05:39 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Eight Ball
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Many of us on SR have experienced our Alcoholic partners/husbands having affairs, including myself. Alcohol seems to go hand in hand with lots of other 'nice' traits.

My AH of 22 years, more noticeably when he is drinking, is completely unreasonable and irrational. When I have caught him surfing for porn or smoking without my knowledge and hiding it, he always has an answer for it, he never accepts responsibility and its always someone else who is to blame.

When I discovered that my AH was having an internet affair that had been going on for over a year and had been getting quite serious, he stopped it dead. He told me he loved me, agreed to go to counseling and the minute I found out, he cut off all contact with her and threw out all of the 'gifts' he had received from her.

These are actions, what many talk about on here. Sometimes words are not enough and its their actions, what they do, that affirm their true intentions.

Incidentally, I had a very close friend who found out her husband was having a sexual affair around the same time, but her husband wouldn't stop seeing the other woman, wanted his cake and eat it and made it impossible for her to stay in the marriage.

It sounds like your AH is following through with actions and that is a positive - but at the end of the day, its about you and what you can put behind you and live with. My feeling is that you may be better separating the alcohol from the infidelity. It is what it is - infidelity and its all too easy to blame on the alcohol IMO (again no responsibility taken here).

My AH affair hadn't become sexual (other that written) and because of his prompt actions in stopping it dead in its tracks, I was able, with the help of counseling, to put it behind us and move on and the trust in that area has been built back up too (that was a slow process).

Take your time, especially as you are now separated, attend counseling and you will eventually know whether it is something that you can put behind you or whether you cant. You can also use this time to make sure AH continues to follow through with his actions, remaining in sobriety.
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