Infidelity and Alcohol?
Will someone please help me understand whether or not infidelity can be blamed on alcohol?
My husband is an alcoholic. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until August, when I found he'd been having a 2-year affair with my grandchild's mother and had spent thousands of dollars on hotels and prostitutes. Along with this, I learned he'd been hiding vodka all over the house. I'd see him drink a couple of beers each night and over the weekends, and assumed his constant sleep and not eating were products of cancer/surgery he had three years ago, after which everything changed.
After the discovery, he quit drinking, is extremely remorseful and patient with what I'm going through, is seeing a counselor, has been going to a weekly AA meeting and got a sponsor. I know that's all good, but I am having a horrible time reconciling his vile infidelity to alcohol, which is what he blames for his behavior. He wasn't so drunk that he was unable to find and arrange for prostitutes on Craig's List. He wasn't so drunk that he couldn't plan vacation days from work to hook up with my grandchild's mother. He spent the last two years being sexually distant from me, but he remained affectionate and considerate as he has always been. I had NO clue, and am terrified that I could have been so unaware.
We are separated right now and I am trying to work through this. I can handle alcoholism; I can't handle a husband who could so artfully carry on such gross infidelity for two years.
I feel that I'm the only one wrestling with this, but my head tells me I can't be the only one. What I read tells me that when an alcoholic is drinking their inhibitions erode and they act on whatever is available- including sex. However, this has been two years of day-after-day cheating.
Can someone shed some insight, please?