I myself go up and down emotionally. I was recommended at one point to get on meds, but I'm scared to and I can't afford it financially. I don't have a job that provides health insurance. I work construction and its all cash but it doesn't pay crap. I barely make enough to keep a roof over my head and to pay my bills, I literally am left with little money for food. I know its very unhealthy but often times I only eat once a day. I'm trying to find a different job but I don't have my drivers license and cant get it until April, two DUI's on my record doesn't help either. I'm scared to take meds because being that I'm in recovery I don't want to get hooked or dependant on rx meds. My depression (pity party) stems from the fact that I f'd my marriage up and rarely see my kids now cause of my work schedule. It's been almost two weeks since I've seen them. The f'd up part about it is that they are my reason why I'm sober. I know its going to take time for me to get back on my feet and until then what the f else can I do. I guess this is Gods way of making me work on some of my character defects. Being that I dont make the money I used to I have to really humble myself and work on my impatience. I went from making $1700 every two weeks down to $700. But when I think back upon my childhood I wasn't even happy then. I've always felt something was wrong with me. I really wish I had health insurance so that I could go see a shrink. Even though I'm scared to get on meds I really think I should. I can get some for free from the county but it would only be 30 days worth. I want to go see a shrink to find out if I'm clinically depressed or if its just me having a pity party, I kind of feel its the latter. It's funny because I can go the whole day feeling like crap, but once I get on SR I start to feel better.