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Old 11-22-2010, 04:59 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Tally
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Originally Posted by breakingglass View Post
you know.... i think lots of people on here were all trying to explain this in one way or another. but for some reason when i read your post, it really sank in. its so true. i do get hurt when he does't follow through because of the expectation he's sets me up with.

i do have to say though, for those few days he wasn't drinking, we laughed, ate dinner together, walked the dog and watched silly christmas movies all afternoon. he was the man i remembered marrying..... and it felt good. and then today all that happiness just sank... and thats the way it always is.

i wish my AH would learn to use the computer..... i would have him come on here and maybe talk to some people. maybe he'd be able to let some things out here that he just can't talk about aloud..... but he's so anti-technology!!
Aw, I'm glad to of helped. I think if you're planning to stay with him for the forseeable then the best thing you can do for yourself is learn about detachment, it will help you both in the long run. I've found that an active addict can't keep promises and 9 times out of 10 (or 9.9999 times out of 10) they will let you down.

I got to the point after being let down so many times that when I would hear the "right that's it...I'm cutting back" line I would just smile and say "that's good", knowing in my head it would be forgotten within the week.

Believing their promises and putting expectations on their head is no good, it just makes us feel angry and upset when they fail and them feel guilty and more ashamed that they can't control it yet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you don't have expectations then you can't be let down.

Not the best way to live but the only way to stay sane whilst in a relationship with an A.
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