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Old 11-22-2010, 04:32 PM
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vujade
Chaotically Peaceful
 
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: A state of peace
Posts: 322
I am about 5 months into a very similar situation. AH who used to just drink a lot socially...progressed into Rx drugs. We have two children ages 4 & 8. It's a real challenge figuring out how to be a single mom so totally feel for you and am sending you lots of strength. I think I actually suffered a complete nervous breakdown somewhere along the way...LOL. If you search my posts you'll find one that uses the EXACT word you used about AH being gone...peaceful. I can't believe how much peace I feel in my home now, even with clean laundry piled everywhere and toys all over the house. LOL!

A couple of thoughts I have:

1. I also haven't attended face-to-face AlAnon meetings but instead picked up books, lurked on this site, read articles, etc. For me, I have found it to be a very effective process. I think everyone needs to do what works best for them and it sounds like you are taking some very positive steps...so good for you!

2. You might want to consider a restraining order to be certain that he can't enter the property...even if you move to another unit. However, I would think that if your lease is actually EXPIRED, you wouldn't need AH's consent to be removed from it. The lease is over...he no longer has legal rights to the property. But I'm certainly not an expert on it so probably best to check. Maybe there is a legal aide resource you could contact to get a quick and free answer about that.

I think it is totally OK for you to move at whatever speed feels best to you right now. I took about 3 months before I even spoke to a divorce attorney. It wasn't that I had any ideas that I was going to let him come back, I just wasn't ready to take that step yet. My parents are "encouraging" me to move back to the town they live in (just a few miles away from where I live now) but I have told them that I'm just going to stay put for awhile. No need to change so much so drastically yet. You'll know when it is the right time for you to start making more major decisions...but let yourself be OK with making one at a time if that is what feels right.
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