Originally Posted by
breakingglass 
correct me if i'm wrong, but don't they all talk about god and finding "him"? and i have to be honest, that would totally annoy me.
i have attended al-anon (off and on) for 15 years and i don't believe i ever heard someone talk like that.
it's more - to my way of thinking - about surrending your own will, and trusting in something greater than your own little self. self-will is something that works against alcoholics in a big way, so giving it up is a huge, life-changing behavior.
maybe give it an open-minded try. you can really, truly make it what works for you.
as for your pondering about "what if he does get sober and we fall apart" kind of thinking....
well, that is most definitely a reality.
part of the difficulty in letting go of old, unhealthy ways, is fear. i was afraid big-time of losing some of my self-destructive ways, regarding my unhealthy relationship. it's like you're a pig: you go to sit waist-deep in the mud, it's awful but it makes you feel good also.
i think you have to decide, really decide, that you want to be free badly enough to risk it. what you guys have now makes you miserable, yet it is what you know, in some ways it is what you love, and you get to hang onto the dream of a different life - without having to do the hard work to get to that life.
please don't think i'm criticizing you. and i don't know if that even makes sense to someone else. i have been there.