daughter333

Hi there,

My dad is an alcoholic and it's caused a problem in my family for a few years now. My mother left him earlier this year. He sees a therapist, a psychiatrist and his GP regularly. He's been on different meds for depression/anxiety. So far quitting drinking doesn't seem to be on the agenda.

We don't live close to each other so I haven't had a chance to sit down with him and talk about his drinking. I know I need to set some boundaries -- first to tell him not to call me when he's been drinking, that I'll hang up if this happens. I think that's the first step.

Beyond that he is coming here for Christmas in a few weeks. He is mainly a wine drinker but carries some JD in his suitcase for "emergencies" I guess. My question is, what boundaries can I reasonably set for him while he is staying with me?

Specifically:

1. I don't feel like it's realistic for me to say "you can't drink at my house." But am I enabling if I *don't* say that? The last few times he has stayed with me I've gone to bed early as soon as he gets the wine out.
2. Usually on the way home from the airport he asks me to stop at the store for wine. I don't feel like I can do this in good conscience -- should I tell him that ahead of time?
3. Should my husband and I drink when he is at our home or when we're out to dinner? We are both able to abstain from drinking but would probably like to have some wine with dinner. Is it fair to do this in front of someone who only sort of accepts that they have a problem?

In case you're wondering, there's no physical abuse, drunk driving or major safety issues at stake here. There is a lot of drunken rambling, occasional stumbling and general unpleasantness.

I guess I sort of feel like springing all this on him is like letting him walk into an ambush...but I know I need to look out for my own sanity.

Thanks in advance for any advice and sorry for the epic novel.