Originally Posted by
Tally 
I was the same, every time he would say he was stopping or cutting back or not drinking during the day I would be so happy that he was trying to make things better and so hopeful that NOW things would change. After a while and after realising that he never meant it...or more like he may have meant it but could never follow it through, I started believing in him less and less, I didn't carry around that hope and expectation because I knew deep down that I would only feel let down and upset again.
Part of detaching was letting go of those expectations and using him as a crutch, something to make me feel better or worse...I stayed busy educating myself about addiction and codependency and started taking less notice of him and his drinking, I found I didn't feel as bad when he failed to cut back because I wasn't holding my breath and crossing every finger that this would be the time he would succeed.
To be honest, even when he did succeed and was dry for 2 years, nothing changed much.
you know.... i think lots of people on here were all trying to explain this in one way or another. but for some reason when i read
your post, it really sank in. its so true. i do get hurt when he does't follow through because of the expectation he's sets me up with.
i do have to say though, for those few days he wasn't drinking, we laughed, ate dinner together, walked the dog and watched silly christmas movies all afternoon. he was the man i remembered marrying..... and it felt good. and then today all that happiness just sank... and thats the way it always is.
i wish my AH would learn to use the computer..... i would have him come on here and maybe talk to some people. maybe he'd be able to let some things out here that he just can't talk about aloud..... but he's so anti-technology!!