You are in the right place and we are all here for you. YOU are not alone, I can really identify with the way you are feeling, I had this happen to me too. after 10 years of recovery my alcoholic picked up again and it was very hard and letting go of his behavior was so hard for me. our stories are all alike but different if you know what I mean. keep posting, reading and please go to an alanon meeting, I went and it made me feel so much better, they listened and never judged me, I was embrassed into a very giving and supportive environment when I couldn't take care of myself and didn't know what to do. I learned from example of the others in the meeting. experiences, strength and most of all hope are what it is all about dear. please hang in there. all the best to you....m