I felt the same exact way when my sister passed away. For the longest time I turned my back on God and refused to believe in him. It wasn't until I got into the rooms that I reestablished my relationship with him. God is tough though, he has his plan and we have to accept and live with it. That's just life. I no longer blame God for the things and elements in my life that I'm not happy about. He has his plan and everything happen for a reason. Though sometimes I find myself questioning why certain things in my life are the way they are, and I have to remind myself that this is a test of my faith in God to trust in him to lead me in the right direction.