outsidethecage

It's my first time posting here. I don't know what to do anymore. I really just need to vent right now so thaks to whoever may listen.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. Last year we moved very far from home to start a life togther and I'm beginning to wonder if it was a mistake.

I love him very much but he has a drinking problem and to make things worse he is a bartender so he is surrounded by alcohol every day. Sometimes he gets very sick after an all day binge (throwing up all day, shaking and complaining that he hurts) but in a couple of days he goes and does it again. I don't understand. He just doesn't seem to be able to control himself.

I have threatened to leave a couple of times because on rare occasions he has been very mean and scary when he's drunk and it is too stressful for me to deal with. He always apologizes and he stays in control of himself for a little while but the he inevitably relapses.

I, myself, am probably a boderline alcoholic now, though I almost never to the point where I black out or get sick. I usually just like a drink or two after work and that's all. I wish my boyfriend could enjoy alcohol in a moderate and healthy way but he rarely seems to be able to.

He really is a wonderful, intelligent, kind person and I love him very much. I believe he sincerly loves me too and yet he choses to continue on this self destructive path. Why? I hurts me to see him suffering and to watch our relationship fall apart because of this. It is extra stressful for me because I am thousands of miles from home and my friends and family. I feel so alone most of the time. I have always struggled with depression but that is another story altogether.

At this point I just want my best friend back. I'm afraid to present him with an ultimatum because I really don't want to lose him. I feel like my heart is breaking. Alcohol is not the root of all our problems but it certainly isn't helping.

And before anyone suggests it, I'm not a huge believer in AA. In reality it just isn't any more effective than cold turkey and I think a lot of the principles behind it (higher power, being "diseased" ect.) are ********. If it helps you then great but there is no way in hell it would work for my boyfriend. I'm not about to get into a debate about it with anyone here. No offense.

I'm sure when he wakes up tomorrow morning he will be happy to see me. The last thing I will want to is get into a serious discussion with him about how his drinking is affecting our relationship but I know sooner or later I won't be able to handle it anymore. Even if our relationship doesn't work out (and it sometimes feels that way) I hope he will someday be able to lead a balanced life and be able to be happy with or without alcohol.

I don't know what I'll say. Wish me luck.