This may very well be my final post mainly for two reasons: I have talked to my friend; and, I do not possess the skills or tools to understand the dynamic that defines my place in their live, this disease. Ironically, and I could be mistaken, but I don't believe one person wrote the word 'disease' in any post within this thread, which also made me question if I even knew ANYTHING!
Until I am more equipped to understand I may return and hopefully be able to comprehend all of the comments that seem so foreign and caused me to be defensive.
What I do know is that love binds me to them and love is why I answered every call at 2 or 3am knowing what I was about to hear. Love is also what finally gave me the strength to say what I did to her last night.
Through a lot of tears I expressed my feelings of how I can no longer take her calls when he has binged and she is upset about it. It has been nearly 4 years of those calls and I just cannot do it anymore.
What I believe I heard from these comments here (albeit the psycho-babble) is that I was an enabler by allowing her to dump on me and then just act as if everything was fine a day or two later; I learned that they are adults who are making their own choices and I cannot change them; I learned that I must look out for myself and while I will always be her friend I will not allow the negative aspects of their lives to affect mine.
After she and I talked in great length she said she was thankful I had been honest with her. I asked her what she will do now that she doesn't have anyone to confide in (since this is the double edge sword that hurts me the most), to which she replied that she didn't know. I also asked her where HER bottom line was in staying or leaving, to which she replied she didn't know that either. My heart hurts for her and I am unable to articulate how much it does.
I suppose what still lingers over me, and where I don't have the skills to comprehend, is this seems like betrayal, or that I am no longer there for a friend who may need me. That's the hard part for me. However, my husband read this entire thread and states that he can see both sides of the discussion. He understands that I want to be there for her but at what price?
So for now at least, I feel a sense of relief that I won't be getting those 2am calls. I did tell her that if EVER she needed me to give them a ride to a meeting, or help with research for a rehabilitation center or anything toward the positive road I would be there. Until then our conversations are void of anything about him.
Thanks to all of you who got where I was coming from and understood that this is a new world to me but I was doing so out of love.