Jackthedog, I guess my previous post was based upon what I wish a father-son relationship could be, not based upon the realities of an alcoholic father-son relationship. Even though I tried to avoid the realism of the disease of alcoholism, my sons lived with it, and experienced it. I had tried to
"protect" my sons until I thought they were old enough to know the truth. However, our teenagers
"Get It"! It sounds like your son, also,
"Gets It"!
Another good reason to talk about the disease is to educate them about the inheritance of addiction. Teenagers will be teenagers, and will experiment, but for the teenagers of addicts they need to know their chances of becoming addicted are much greater.
I firmly believe in mothers' intuition, and it can empower mothers with almost phenomenal abilities. There is an unspoken connection between a mother and child that bypasses logic and reason. Trust that intuition and act on it, if necessary.
You wrote "When I spoke to my son about seeing a counselor, he ademately said he didn't want to go talk to a stranger, but I am going to make the appointment anyway and make him go." I firmly believe you are going to be wasting your money by going this route. It's difficult enough for a teenager to open up about their feelings with someone they love, let enough "talk to a stranger". I, also, tried this route with my 19 year old, but without any results. I must have done something right, because my 19 year old turned to a church youth group for his support.
You, also, wrote, "And our son is an only child, so there are a whole host of other issues that can go along with that situation." My 19 year old son is not really my son but my grandson. We have raised him from birth, and he is in every meaning a son to me. His mother, single parent, and my daughter completed suicide on May 16, 1995.
I confirm lc1972 suggestion that your son start attending Alateen meetings in your area. The teenagers share experience, strength and hope with each other, discuss their difficulties, learn effective ways to cope with their problems, encourage one another, and help each other. Together they learn compulsive drinking is a disease, they can detach themselves emotionally from the drinker's problems while continuing to love the person, they are not the cause of anyone else's drinking or behavior, they cannot change or control anyone but themselves, they have spiritual and intellectual resources with which to develop their own potentials, no matter what happens at home, and they can build satisfying and rewarding life experiences for themselves. Every Alateen group has an active, adult member of Al-Anon to serve as a sponsor. The sponsor is an active party of the group, guiding and sharing knowledge of the Twelve Steps and Traditions.
I'm thinking about recommending to my own 19 year old to start attending his own Alateen group.
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Don’t worry about tomorrow because God has already been there and He has set the stage.