Yes, my son is 13. I want him to understand the disease and recognize what his father does that is part of the disease. Like last night for example, my son was at a friend's since after school when I dropped him off. This past week, Thursday and Friday were his Father's days for visitation, but since I teach at the same school our son attends, I take him home after school until his father picks him up, that way I know where our son is and what he is doing. So he stayed at the friends house and I text him to see where he was around 7and he said still at his friend's and that he didn't know when he was going to his dad's. I text him back and said if he thinks his dad has been drinking when he talks to him and he comes to pick him up call me and I will come get himor ask your friend if you can spend the night. AT 9:30 I text him to see if he was still at his friend's house and he was at a girl's house and his dad knew he said. I asked him when his dad was picking him up and he said he was spending the night at his friend's house. I don't know for sure if his dad was drinking, but I pick my son up from his dad's at 10 am today.
It's funny, I didn't get angry at his father for not parenting like he should (I wouldn't have let our son go to a girl's house), because I don't think he is capable of being a good parent in that area, he cannot stand up to our son. He never did, he was so involved in "him" he could never deal with the anger a teenager shows when they get mad at you for not getting their way. And our son is an only child, so there are a whole host of other issues that can go along with that situation. I guess that is detachment a little? (Not expecting my AH to meet my expectations?)
I was questioning the fact that I even intervened by texting my son about his whereabouts, but I don't trust that my AH was and my gut said to sent the text about spending the night at his friends he thinks his father has been drinking and shouldn't be picking him up. The first time I text that I erased it, then did it anyways.