Spectral,
It seems as if your wife is very very sick.
Can you take her to emergency services? Since she is bulimic, drinking and vomiting, she could be losing electrolytes and be in serious trouble.
I don't know, but I would think the hospital would have to do something right now for her.
Social services are extremely frustrating, and in this country can be a confounding mess, but I had to keep pushing through to get the help I needed to help my children.
I took my last drink over 14 years ago, and I do understand what you are saying about condescending people, but not all social workers or alcoholics are like that.
You sound as if you have been through the wringer and still stand upright.
consider AA and AlAnon for yourself too.
It couldnt hurt.
Beth