(((((sassyea)))))
Please understand that you have been and for that matter still are in a Domestic Violence situation. Oh he may or may not have been physical, however, he has used mental and emotional abuse on you.
Here is a list from google of DV shelters in your area. I post this for you because they do have 'services', usually free of charge that can be of great help to you, both one on one counseling and group:
Google
These shelters and/or centers are a really GREAT source to help you 'sort through' what is going on, give you assistance if you decide you need to take you and the children out of there, etc
In the meantime, sending good thoughts and prayers from N.M.
Love and hugs,