Now that I've had a few days to digest the change in AS's circumstances I am feeling more positive about things. I am really glad he's still in a rehab facility, and maybe his lapse was something he needed to experience. I saw AS briefly when I dropped off his medication, and he asked me if I could get him some cokes. I smiled warmly and said, "not now" and left. We have been like the nurse who rushes into the patient's room when he presses the call button, ready to do whatever he asks. I'm re-thinking that. I did write him a letter which I left with his medicine, in which I told him that I am proud of him for choosing to stay in rehab, and that I know it must have taken a lot of courage to admit his mistake (he probably could have passed a drug test with the "spice," but he admitted smoking it. I explained that I had felt frustrated, because parents naturally want to fix things for their children, but I have realized I need to allow him to experience the dignity of falling, and picking himself back up on his own - that it will mean more to him. You are all so right - it's costly to love an addict. This forum is wonderful...the sharing is so important - it lets me know I'm not alone in my struggles, and I can have the benefit of your experiences and insights. It gives me hope and helps me focus on the fact that I can change my way of thinking and become positive again, regardless of the choices my AS makes. It's hard enough to experience the empty nest when your young adult is making good choices, much harder when their wings are broken and they begin to plunge instead of fly. AS has so much potential...if these kids could only see the good in themselves that we see in them.