...I have a very large ego, which is also very fragile, and it has been a constant barrier for me and my wife as we have sought a deeper intimacy in our relationship together (by we I mean mostly her). How, after 12 years together, this alcoholic woman and this control freak with an enormous ego are still together I just don't know.
I can't control her and I can barely control me (thank God I wasn't born with the addiction gene or I'd be long dead by now), so that's not it. I'm pretty sure that it's her-- she is a fighter, far more than me, and is relentless in seeking her own recovery and trying to break through my ego (primarily by consistantly calling me on my high-level BS and hypocrisy-- very annoying).
Fast forward 12 years and we are in His and Hers Recovery. Seven years of Al-Anon for me and four months of AA/NA for her. This has helped me deal with my still too large ego and my urge to lie about everything to her and, as a result, our level of intimacy is increasing much to her delight and much to my dismay. I don't want to be this connected to her because of my fear of relapse. I built this wall for a reason, and watching it be dismantled brick by brick is scaring the shi* out of me.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak