Originally Posted by
brokenheartfool 
Alright, for this thread's purposes, let's say that what you said above is a given. You find your own happiness wherever.
Even if the spouse is an ex, I'd still like to hear stories of the emotional connection and how much its success/failure is attributed to the alcohol, or perhaps isn't tied to the alcohol!
Just trying to sort out in my own head that I blamed the emotional disconnect on the alcohol, but perhaps it is far more complicated than that. I don't know if he became sober whether I would be dealing with a different person or not. If he continued to drink forever, how much would be lost in translation?
The alcoholic brain. How much of their thinking is a result of the alcohol, how much is other things.
And for those whose spouses did get sober--how about the emotional connection then?
I think the answer is different for everyone. How much of people's emotional block is from the drink or from their own issues?
It depends.
I think, like my AH, many alcoholics drink to medicate emotional pain. Stopping drink doesn't fix that underlying pain.
For me, my AH has the emotional mine field of "do not go there" topics (the hard ones, the ones about his drinking or dishonesty or hiding).
That causes me emotional disconnect.
He can be gentle and loving and expressive at other times.
He is SUPER shut down when he's shut down.
Your time *might* be better spent exploring you and why you chose/choose(?) partners that are emotionally disconnected. That is an answer you can find in yourself.
Hugs,
peace