For my stbxah, he cannot handle emotion, that is why he drinks (my own perception after 10 years). When he wanted to emotionally connect with me his answer was sex. For the longest time that worked for me. Then I figured out that for me, in order to have sex, I needed the other emotional stuff first or the feelings just weren't there. Losing the emotional connection and realizing that he was undependable when I needed him was what got me taking care of me.