My xah said something very much like that. It made me feel uncomfortable because he was trying to make me responsible for his recovery. Toe the line, and I won't drink. Rock the boat and bottoms up - all my fault. No thank you.
Does your counselor have any expertise in addictions? I thought it was really important that ours did. Typical marriage counseling isn't going to cut it in a relationship with addiction issues. Actually - my counselor wouldn't even do full on marriage counseling if my xah wasn't actively in recovery.