Originally Posted by
sassyea 
Before you left were you alone? Afraid? Broke? How old were your kids? What did you do? What was your breaking point?
I was and continue to be very lucky in that I have my parents to support me. However, before things got BAD, I was truly alone save for SR. I couldn't confide in my friends; XAH made me give them all up. I had to tiptoe around everyone just in case I'd leak out what was really happening with XAH and I.
Yes, I was PETRIFIED. I posted here constantly, always asking for support, reassurance, confirmation that I wasn't *crazy*. I didn't want to have to deal with joint custody with an A in complete denial of his addiction. BUT, I also didn't want to waste away my years with someone who was hell bent on taking everything from me, even hope.
Yes, I was broke, in debt, with a past bankruptcy and ruined credit. My relationship with XAH was what drove me to get the job I currently have. It's boring as hell but it pays....I knew, even when I took the job, that I'd need some money to break free from XAH. I planned in advance and secretely, imagining finding myself a tiny one bedroom apartment furnished with stuff found at Good Will or at garage sales....I didn't care about anything except getting away from XAH and his madness.
When I left, my baby girl was 15 months old. She still nursed 6-7 times a day/night. My stepson (XAH's son) was 12.
My breaking point came one evening, when he *hadn't* had a drink yet. He got so out of hand, raging, shaking, pounding his fists on the table, blaming me for his troubles, and all the while, I held our baby girl in my arms. I looked down at her and saw her to the "deer in the headlights" move (you know, when you freeze and try to make yourself really small to avoid having the WRATH of XAH zero in on you...). In a flash, I imagined her growing up with this madness at home, the place where she was supposed to be safe. I imagined her as an adult, dating or married to a man like XAH. I was horrified.
XAH continued to blow up even after I asked him to calm down for the sake of the baby. I calmly got my stuff, put my baby in her stroller, and walked out. I went to see a social worker at the local community clinic where I poured my heart out like I never had. When I came home, XAH had left me a note telling me that I'd better "shape up and start appreciating him or he'd find someone else".
Finally, what did it for me was having my ex-MIL, XAH's mom, tell me to get out and save my daughter's life, because her son was crazy.
My departure was all perfectly planned, but everything changed when XAH threatened not to let me leave if I didn't grant him equal custody right away. Then I had to move quickly and run away with my daughter.
If there is abuse of any kind in your relationship, you need to get in touch with a local shelter to see what kind of resources they can offer you in getting out. I got counselling from one shelter, and lawyer referrals from another. It was very useful...
*hugs* you're not alone in this.