Battling today - just need support again
My previous thread - I am so confused - got me some really good advice. While my head listened - my heart felt opposite.
So - where am I today? I have called off the relationship, if you want to call it that and I am HURTING so badly. I love this man but I cant do this if he is not healthy and committed to a healthy relationship.
I guess what hurts too is that it has bought up feelings of worthlessness from my failed marriage and I am triggering back to when my ex husband walked out for his OW.
My BF did not really want to LISTEN to me. He was supposed to visit me last night but did not pitch. Today (I presume sober) he text messaged me light hearted stuff and when I did not respond - phoned. I would not take his call as I have user identity on my phone. He caught me by phoning from another phone. He actually had the nerve to ask if I was upset about his not coming over last night - said he needed an early night - what is 6.30 too late??? He started on about how he loves me deeply but does not want to get hurt again and wants to be sure how he feels - ALL I heard was him, him, and more him. He got cross when I tried to explain how I FEEL. Eventually he said - we need a break to see what we both want and that we will speak in 10 days time. I said fine and put the phone down.
I then text messaged him to say I cant do this anymore and that love should not hurt (a quote from someone here). If he cant be sober and in a committed relationship with me then I need to get off the roller coaster of intense emotions that I always feel. I mean I was living for the few highs and hated the many lows. That is not right.
So I am just sitting here crying while I type this. I was stupid enough to believe that he DID love me and knew how to treat "us".