Well you ask a lot of questions that either don't have answers or don't have the ones you want to hear.
I can relate to sadness when I think of the things my mother did or did not do and how it affects my life.
I can relate to sadness when I think of the things my AH did or did not do and how it affects my life.
Talking to others, listening to music and staying busy are good distractions for me. Attending alanon helps to educate and keep the focus on ways I can take responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings in the situation.