SteppingUp I'm going to post something that hasn't been said yet and will be in contradiction to other posts. I have raised three children into adulthood. However, we are no longer talking about a child, but about your 16 year old son. He's caught in that ackward stage midway between being a child and being an adult. Horomones are flying everywhere, pubity is a very confusing time. However, your job in raising him has been accomplished. He now needs a confident to help guide him and keep him on the straight and narrow.
Audie Murphy, the most decorated soldier of World War II, shortly after his 17th birthday enlisted in the military. In 27 months of combat action in World War II, Murphy became the most decorated United States combat soldier in United States military history. He received the Medal of Honor, the U.S. military's highest award for valor, along with 32 additional U.S. medals, five from France, and one from Belgium.
You wrote "The other night we caught our son lying about doing his homework... again. W told him to go to bed. He turned (with a dramatic huff) and left. She didn't like his attitude and grabbed him by the arm (probably some nails involved here). He called her a bitch." I believe this was his way of setting his own boundary. Granted us in the older generation would perfer to see other ways of setting boundaries. But it wasn't physical!
After surviving motherhood, I have found the following important foundations:
1. Routine.
A reasonable routine of life’s daily essentials are important as being able to know where they are and what's expected of them makes them feel secure.
You know yourself that when you are unsure about any situation you may feel anxious etc. Kids (whatever age), know one thing for sure and that is that they are
NOT in total control of their own life. However knowing what is expected of them does a lot to alleviate their anxiety, especially when they are at the age when they are ready to contribute etc.
2. Knowing the boundaries.
You might think it's a given, that they should know how far you can be pushed by now. But your son is at the age where he is going to constantly keep checking, to be sure you haven't moved the line. When you ask him to do something or tell him, explain why it has to be done and what will happen if it is not done properly or at all, right from the start.
3. Learning Consequences.
It all goes back to sticking to your guns and making good on what you say, good or bad. If he does what he's supposed to do, then he gets good consequences, if not, bad.
4. Consistency.
Very important. More often than not you have to try and remain consistent in what your rules in your house are.
Take what you like and leave the rest!
I'm sure you are more of an example for your children than what you realize!
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