Thank you LaTeeDa:
My mother was a single parent and she doesn't want me to be one as financially it was horrible for her and us. My father was physically not in my life and things were very hard. I also do not want this for my boys I am just confused and do not know which is the lesser of two evils.
I would like to think positive and believe that I can overcome all of this and move on with my sanity intact and my boys unscathed.
I am going to my first Al-anon meeting tomorrow night and I am prayerful that I get some sort of insight. Thank you for replying to my posts. I feel as though I am on a ledge here.