Originally Posted by
LucyA 
The one thing that jumps out at me is that your son is going to take more notice of what you do than what you actually say to him.
He's going to take more notice of how you handle moms violence than how you actually tell him he should handle it.
And he's going to watch how you take care of yourself and copy that too.
That isn't intended to minimise the verbalisation/chat/ talk/telling him what's what, he needs to hear that, but he also needs to see your example and he needs to see you stick to your beliefs/boundaries and see that they do actually work.
Show him how to do it as well at telling him.
Yes, he's going to notice how you take care of yourself and how you take care of HIM.
I know this is hard. The hardest thing I've ever done was to stop protecting my grown alcoholic wife, and begin to protect my child. It was my proudest moment.
The mind set of me, as a dad, being put in a position to have to protect my precious child from her own mother, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to understand.
But you know, it dawned on me, women have to do the same thing all the time. I believe it is a vastly different concept for us men to get. After all, we are protectors, we are supposed to protect our "whole" family. In the case of alcoholism we have to chose who to save.
I believe your toes are hanging over the edge right now, and it won't be very long before you make a leap of faith, I can "see" it in you.
You're a good man SteppingUp, you make me proud.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote