Sassyea, you really do sound like me. and yes, its like having another child to care for. sometimes i am afraid that my neighbors may call the police when he's outside screaming obscenities at me. we too have our moments but they are far a few between all of the fighting and pain. and i hear the same sob stories and get the same lies about the doctors. "he won't help me"....what doctor says a thing like that! he has dented my new frig, kicked and dented my car, broke all kinds of dishes, glasses and his cell phone several times. we had a house full of people (at least 75) for our annual 4th of july party and he was so drunk he was swearing at everyone and me that people starting leaving. it was so embarrassing.
i too want to lay my head on my pillow and fall asleep with a smile on my face and contentment in my heart, rather than tears in my eyes. i too want to get up and just leave all the time but i also have everything in the house. its not like i have some overflowing bank account and i can just go get my own place...its all so heartbreaking.
and just for the record, i know you aren't really happy saying i'm not alone. nobody wants that. but i do understand how it can take a little of that lonliness away. nobdy wants to feel alone either.