Originally Posted by
nodaybut2day 
However your ABF chooses to recover or IF he chooses to recover is his business and his business alone.
I hear what you're saying, I really, really do. But, I have to be honest here, I DO want him to do therapy/recovery program. I also want my cellulite to go away, but it never will, despite the running, dieting, pilates, etc.! I think I have to be honest with myself and say 'Yes, this is what I want'. If he can't/won't give it to me then that is fine. But, I at least have to be able to admit it to myself, because for so long I denied that ABF has these issues. So, for me to articulate it, even if I'm the only one who ever hears it, it sets things right in my head. Does that make any sense at all?
Originally Posted by
nodaybut2day Also, I'm wondering what you think your conversation will achieve. Do you expect him to react? Be moved by your words? Again, (and said gently) this is an attempt at control, whether overt or not.
No, I don't expect him to be moved by my words. I expect him to get defensive, change the subject, turn it back around on me, or some other tactic! I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out, if it's OK for me to just keep repeating my mantra: 'I will not be in a relationship with someone who chooses not to investigate his weaknesses and flaws via a professional help or a recovery program of a substantial lenght of time, at least 6 months to a year', despite the fact that he may not ever accept it. BTW, in my heart, I am perfectly fine with him not accepting it. It is the insanity of having to say the same thing over and over again that is stressing me out!!
I've got to calm down, right!! I know. ABF and I are having 'a talk' tonight and I am so nervous. I just want to get it over with!
Originally Posted by
nodaybut2day Establish your boundary, once, and then walk away. There will be bluster, denial, accusations, etc. If he needs more detail, you can simply state that you won't even consider reconciliation until he's had a year of recovery. Then you step faaaaaaar away from the alkie, and "let go and let God".
This is a nugget of great advise that I am going have tatooed on the palm of my hand so that I'll never forget it!!
Thank you, noday, your responses have helped tremendously!! :ghug3