...it's time for him to help himself (and to do so forever). It's not your job in any scenario, including marriage. Do what you need to do for you and your children. Period. Nothing else matters at all.
He is panicking because he senses his enabler going away. It has nothing to do with the actual you, and it has everything to do with your changing yourself. So, keep changing yourself-- get to an Al-Anon meeting as soon as possible. Go to six or more meetings, some different, before you decide if it is a fit for you. It will help you learn how to negotiate the rest of this situation, and not create another one with a different man.
Take care,
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
sassyea 
And I need my own therapist. It takes all of my energy to get out of bed and go to work. Soon they will be placing him on disability he is going to the doctor today at a fourth attempt to get help. He has begged me to help him get better. Stating that he can't do it w/out me. I see this as a red flag. I told him please do this for yourself only. Not for me not for the kids. He says he is afraid that if he doesnt' get help I am gone. I already am gone. Saturday's episode has taken a piece of my already shattered and broken heart and nearly destroyed it. With everything I have gone thru in my life which he knows about he has compounded that ten fold. It isn't enough that my grandmother who raised me is dying I lsot my first born son to stillbirth which I overcame w/ psychotherapy and prayer and now I get to deal w/ his addiction just to keep my family together. So that my boys have a father?!?
I feel trapped!!! I feel like having an affair! I feel like running out my 38th FL window. What about my needs these last four years that you were unable to cater to because you were too busy making excuses for every can of beer and every bottle of wine you guzzled down!!!!! I really hate him and myself right now. I hate myself for marrying and having innocent children by an alcoholic and i hate him for not being able to change!
