...when making this decision. Whatever your parent's agenda is, legit or not, it is irrelevant in this scenario. You and your babies are all that matters. The most important thing of all, in my opinion, is for you to begin Al-Anon meetings as soon as possible.
If you don't go to Ala-non your life will not get better. I believe that in the core of my being. That is where your help is located, but you have to go get it. It's like the old joke about the man on the roof of his house during a flood. A boat comes by to save him and he says, no, God will save him. Then, a helicopter comes by to get him and he says, no, God will save him. Then his house washes away and he drowns. He gets to the pearly gates and asks, "why didn't God save me?" Paul says, "what do you mean? We sent a boat and a helicopter!"
Al-Anon is the boat. Get on. Al-Anon is the helicopter. Get on.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
sassyea 
I was unable to mention before that I do not have any money saved to move or to retain a lawyer to get AH to move out. Right now my heart is broken by his blackout on Saturday night which left him in the hospital and me and my children stuck on our sailboat for several hours.
I have asked him to stay in the guest bedroom till I am ready if that day will ever come. I just need my space away from him. I am exhausted from living w/ his disease. I am exhausted from tip toeing around him when he is drunk at night being careful not to argue with him and he want to try again. Making promises that he is unable to keep with this addiction.
My babies have witnessed all of this in the last couple of days and it breaks my heart to imagine what AH's alcoholism and are horrible fights have already done to my 3 yr old and 19 month old. My 3 yr old gets it and cries when we argue. I do not know what it worse the poverty we will live in if I leave or staying because we have a roof and food.
To top it all off my mother wants me to work things out and fight for my marriage. I am to torn, to broken hearted to truly know if I want a divorce. I do know if I had the money if only for 8 weeks I would leave to clear my own head.
I lost my first born to stillbirth five years ago and it was the hardest thing I ever did getting over losing that baby (AH wasn't the father). Now God has given me this to contend with and I am angry at myself for making yet another mistake w/ a man!
The wind has been taken out of my sails and I do not know what to do anymore. Last night I bathed my children and took a bath myself read them a book and just held on to them for dear life while AH was in the guest bedroom and it felt so good to just be w/ my boys.
But everyone including his mother obviously wants me to stay because it is better for the kids. I come from a divorced family and the hard part was seeing my mother stress over money our entire life. It was an absolute nightmare. I do not want to jump from the frying pan directly into the fire.
