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Old 11-16-2010, 08:54 AM
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HealingWillCome
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Sassy, I feel your pain and exhaustion coming through. And I understand your fears. I am sorry that your parents and his mother are adding to your pressure.

People here will tell you that you don't have to make any decisions right now, today, unless you are fearful for your physical safety or that of your children, and then it is time to put your safety first.

What I have learned in my experience with an XAH and an XABF is that I will only have peace in the storm if I choose to care for myself first...emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally. And my children will only have peace if I am happy and providing a safe, peaceful environment for them to grow up in. They are my gifts and my greatest responsibility.

I have had to make financial sacrifices in order to create a warm, peaceful, happy home for us, but it has been worth every sacrifice. We live paycheck to paycheck, but I have a job, a home, food, clothing, and peace and stability for my girls and myself. The peace is priceless.

I understand how childhood experiences can create fear in us. My mother was a divorced mother of 4 children, ages 7 to 1, with no money and only a partial college education. She went back to school, earned her degree, found employment, and took care of us after my AF left us (and didn't provide one dime of support.) It was hard, and we had no extras, ever, but God always provided a roof, clothing, and food. I learned a lot from her. It can be done. You can do anything you want to do.

Al-Anon can help you to see and understand the choices you have for yourself. Codependent No More is a great book full of wisdom and reassurance that you are not alone in your experience. Others have travelled your path, and have come through it with great joy and peace in their lives. Keep sharing with us. There are so many people here who can offer support and guidance. Hugs and prayers, Sassy. And hugs to your precious little boys.
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