ugh I'm sorry you're in such a tight spot with regards to your AH.
I have to ask: have you looked into an Al-Anon meeting in your area? Some of those meetings are ok with you bringing your kids with you (one place near me had "childcare" i.e. a member's teenage daughter looked after the kids who came in with their parents). If you cannot make it to a face-to-face meeting, I strongly recommend an online meeting. That's what I did when my DD was 12 months of age and AH wouldn't babysit for me. Also, I was sort of chicken about going to F2F so online was a good option.
As for your mother, despite her past experience, she is not the one living your life, day in and day out. I know how hard it is to go against one's parents--I come from a culture where respect for the elders plays a big role, but perhaps this is the time to start to think about what your children are learning about adult interactions by seeing their parents fight, or by seeing one parents constantly blotto.
I wonder what kind of help you could get from social services with regards to leaving. Is it possible for you to consult a social worker where you live? They've been life savers for me in the past... Perhaps you'd be eligible for government sponsored housing...
I know it seems like you're trapped right now, but I'm sure other will be along, and together we can brainstorm some ideas for you. Please feel free to come back and post as much as you like. SR is always open
