Oh my..... detachment is SO hard for me too! I constantly have my xabf on my mind, and it makes me really sad sometimes! the feeling comes and goes....and it doesn't matter if I am busy, doing something happy.....or WHAT I'm doing, he is still there in the shadows...
I'm so sorry you are struggling! Please know you are not alone with your feelings. I, too, have been fooled into believing the quacking my x tries to lead me to believe, but I have found the no cantact....even though VERY hard for some of us.... is the best way to move on. No one ever said it was going to be easy, that's for sure! Sometimes I wish I were cold-hearted and then it wouldn't hurt as bad!
Good luck to you boskerbear...... we WILL make it through this.... because WE DESERVE BETTER!!!