Doesn't seem to me that you are getting anything positive out of this relationship
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He says he needs to heal from his divorce, but stops by your home regularly. It seems he just wants to be left alone to drink whenever it suits him with no regard for your feelings at all. My ex ABF also tried to turn the tables on me; always to take the focus off himself. Nearly lost my mind.
I love the suggestion to tell him to go heal all he wants...no contact with you at all. I hope you consider doing just that.
Really, what good is any of this doing you? You are worth so much more than his nonsense. Remember that.