Craven I'm at the point you are. I, too, have been living in a troubled marriage for more years than what I want to count. However, the last few months have felt it was getting worse, then I finally had an AAHHAA! moment. My AH wants me to talk to him about everything I do. I feel like he just basically wants to control everything. He keeps telling me just to talk to him. I have tried to talk with him, but he's NOT listening. I have asked him to do things which really are in his best interests. However, IF he is hearing me, he's NOT listening! He expects me to do what he wants me to do, but refuses to do what he should be doing. Marriage is is a two-way street, but if only one side is working on the relationship, it won't work!
There's an adage that states "if you can complain about the same problem three times, then you'd better be in the solution. If you have to talk more than three times about the same problem, you don't want a result, you want attention."
Craven you wrote "I’m having trouble with the ‘and then what…’. I am really trying to focus on myself, and not try to ‘get in his head’."...... Then it's time to "Let Go and Let God"! and HOPE......
When all about you is black with gloom,
And all you feel is pending doom.
When your bones are racked with grim despair -
When every breath is a gasp for air.
Keep on going, though you need to grope,
For around the bend is a ray of hope.
A ray of hope is perhaps all that's left,
As your will to live has been bereft.
You've lost it all, it's just no use!
You can end it all, you need no excuse.
But throw away that piece of rope,
And give yourself a chance of hope.
Just give yourself another day,
Brushing aside what your thoughts may say.
This is your life and you can make a new start,
By ignoring the brain - just follow the heart.
Taking baby steps in order to cope,
And minute by minute you'll build on your hope.
Build on your hope,. one day at a time,
Though the road be steep and hard to climb.
The hurts of the past - they should be dead.
The fears of the future are all in your head.
Just live in the present and refuse to mope
Your life will sparkle for you're living in hope.
by Brian Quinn